dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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