Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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