Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
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He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
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You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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