They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
