DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
