I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
