i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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