On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
