i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Drunk is a universal language darling
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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