he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
