my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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