I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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