i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
