Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
