I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
