I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
