I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
