The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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