I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
