my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
