He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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