marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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