Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
its liver damage thursday
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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