i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
