I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he was CRYING into my vagina
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize