Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
