He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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