guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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