so explain again why im purple
no
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
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I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
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I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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