feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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