I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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