Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Randomize
