If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
