last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
oh god the rape fog is back!
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
