If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend