its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.