It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
