Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
