Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
