i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
