why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
