the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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