the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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