Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
