i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
