What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
