He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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