I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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