I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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