Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Can you bring me the toilet please
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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