There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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