Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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