are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
