i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
