Duck Duck Cougar?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
