she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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