I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize