Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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